There were times when I tried to find what was left of me, but I couldn’t for one reason or another. I tried looking for it in solace, in a deafening laughter of grief, in a bottle colored blood red. Still, there’s nothing. I’ve been empty for the remainder of what would be this year until a found some signs of a genuine smile. The irony of this is that I wasn’t even trying to find it this time. It just, sort of, came. The next thing I know, I’m writing with spontaneity again. The words, like they used to, flowed out of my fingers with the greatest fluency once more. I guess you can call it an inspiration.

A week ago when things found its place. I saw one in the midst of the crowd. Unexpectedly, she twirled her head gracefully towards me. I was of course taken in complete surprise. Was she new here? I didn’t know. But I wanted to know. I never did ask though. I never asked about her. I just looked. From a distance, I waited for her to come in. Usually, disappointed when she left without me knowing. I’d glance when she smiled. But never did I ask whose splendid smile was this that never fails to brighten my day. I decided I’d just let it all hang back. There’s nothing wrong with having a crush after all. A day or two after, I had the weirdest experience. I was actually conversing with the lady and I had no idea it was her. I had my usual perk and energy, but when I found out – oh hell I was stood with utmost awe. I was so embarrassed, I kept hiding. I couldn’t even look her way. Of course, I’d occasionally slip a glance or two. Even then, I felt like I should just smile. Some of the times I’d actually wish she’d smile back, but it so happens that I couldn’t even take a look at her long enough for her to notice. It was pathetic, I have to admit. But let me tell you this one thing, it was worth it.

Three hours have passed when we parted ways. I actually had the guts to swing by her way. Guts? Yes! Haven’t I mentioned she was like a goddess? Anyway, it was then when I jumped uncontrollably. I did not know why. All I knew was this: I was like a kid with his first bike. I guess it was an after effect. “Kilig” if you will. I know it sounds a bit girly, but what the heck. There is no other word for it. Simply put, my entire night shone so bright I could have worn shades to my hearts delight.

This one story I’d would love to explore, sad to say I have neither the charm, the look, nor the courage to make her glance my way.