best buddies since high school

I missed a few people back home...

Now that I'm here, it kicked in... never really thought about it. It just, sort of, came last night when I was talking to some friends...

nice to know they were still there...

guess they never really went away... I just never looked their way...

as the sun shine streaked through my bed room window, I remembered a few things... I remembered the first time I met this lanky pale boy that would eventually be my best bud... I remembered how we would wait every after class to go home together... I remembered how we used go to the mall just to spend as much money as we can playing the old video games that used to be cool... I remembered the days when I felt like shit and he was always the one I would run to... even if it took me a while to recognize that he was actually there...

he's sitting beside me right now... being the dorky, funny, cool, friend that he has always been... and I could not help but be grateful... thanks dude... when you need me most... I'm right behind you... that's a promise....

Black Spots - the weeping child

(WEDNESDAY - 19:33)

One night, on the grave where his body lay quiet and rested, Old Man Joseph's soul usually sat in silent isolation. He liked this more than he liked being in heaven. for him, it was too crowded up there - too crowded even for an infinite space. A year after his death, he asked his mighty creator to let his soul stay on the world he left.

"Why would you pick earth over heaven?" God asked.

"Well sir, I like heaven very much... it's just that there are too many souls here now and it's getting a bit crowded..." Old Man Joseph replied.

"Too crowded?... But, heaven is infinite... How can it be too crowded for you?..."

"Well sir,... sharing it with a lot of souls is quite alright because they don't nearly consume enough space to fill a dot in heaven, but... Well sir,... I was thinking it maybe alright for me, but how about you?..."

"How about me?.." God asked bewildered...

"well sir,... is infinite space enough for an infinite being?..." Joseph replied... "It seems to me like heaven is just a perfect fit for you... and I'm grateful that you invited me here and all, but I feel like I invading your personal space..."

"hahaha... Joseph, Joseph, Joseph... you are indeed a character..."

God insisted that Old Man Joseph stay in heaven by His side but in the end He let the old man decide what he really wanted to do. Joseph looked down and thought "What have I got to lose?... My life?" so Joseph returned earth to watch the world run in its frantic pace, enjoying every moment and cherishing every scene....

(to be continued)

the icy feeling soothes, but it kills...
when all else grows dim..
lights refracted and illusions are created...
under the surface you see a whole different world...
and suddenly...
you jerk...
the air your lungs long for is nowhere to be found...
you realize it is a threat...
you scream...
but, the killer around covers your mouth and muffles the sound...
you struggle...
you frantically kick and reach for the sky...
as you do so...
more of your strength is depleted...
and the more your lungs seek the air...
until it collapses under the weight of this cool agent...
you see nothing now...
you feel it's poison flowing in...
it doesn't force you...
you just, sort of, invite it...
you have no other choice...
it pulls you down until it fills you up...
the warmth begins to fade...
you feel only the coolness of your murderer....
the rush you desperately cling to disappears...
and you...
your dead...

here I go...

with the wreck
the stain
the retreats
and the mess

told them lies
all of them - the guys
rolling my dice
this game board's nice
but it's cold as ice

thought I was home free
felt glee
only to find
someone staring
back right at me

looking closer
a mirror above the dresser drawer
Staring at myself
asking
"could I get any messier?"

I come home
afeter a long day's work
couldn't find
anything I looked for
I strain those eyes even further
to see what I could not...


"I've had enough!"
BANG!

the game

I never thought that I had missed it...

It's been a while since I last played the game. A few months back I thought the early morning habit died out. I had never played since then. I never got the chance. But this afternoon, I have had the pleasure of feeling the thrill again... The sweet sound of the string music soothes the ears. it feels as though every time you release and it hits the net, it creates a music so powerful it draws you in.

I have missed it... I never thought I loved the game this much. But I realized that I did when at long last I had held it again. every ounce of sweat I was ready to pour out... every ounce of strength I was willing to give... every crash and bump, every elbow and knee I was willing to take...

I played 'till the sun shone no more. the nicotine in my body was taking its toll on me... I feel like every breathe I was taking was my last one... But I played on... I guess I grew tired of just watching and decided I wanted to score the winning goal...

I had the chance, I took it, lived it... I was ready to go home and bring my game again... I was rusty... I sucked... But that didn't stop me from loving the game... life I guess isn't always work and shit... you had to find the right blend of spice to make it worth living... and as another morning comes I look forward to work and the game later on in the afternoon...

drunk in the middle of the night and in the middle of some far-flung region of what I thought was still manila... the chase was on... my mind raced through and around the corner - barely braking... the pedal was backed up against the floor of the old tin that was threatening to break and fall apart... No... I did not care that I thought we were going to die because of this stupidity... I cared less for the person sitting beside me... he was drunk and I wanted, so badly, to push him out and leave him there - in the middle of the highway... the traffic was light and I thanked God for that... at least my mind could work a little more properly knowing that there was a lot less cars to bump and more of the road to swerve...

I wanted to hurl... I didn't... I convinced myself not to... for the lawyers back home, that was evidence... I didn't want to be on the spotlight... and I most certainly did not want to clean the car....

I had blurted out a while back something barely audible.... something about the friends i had back home... and how I wished I wouldn't have to go back... But I wanted to...
the warmth of the night lulled me... trying its best to make me sleep...
I was home not a moment too soon... I was home... I left the junk out of the garage... It's been a long night... I'm tired, I'm sleepy,... I'm drunk....

I guess I just desperately wanted to dream... just to get out of here....

three things

three things

first

second

third

three things

one

two

three

three things

create

refine

publish

three things

calm

cool

cllected

three things

deviate

reform

expand

three things....

you do the rest....

sting

this is how i deal.... live with it....
yup this-is-for-you... read it good....

crimes committed
with intentions pure
times wasted
with or for whom?
didn't get the message
thought it was late
can time be so cruel?

managed to see
things so bare
used to be blind
my God!
so blind!
thought the spice
was good for life

sarcasm can be tricky
hope meaning stands clear
had to say things
so things were said
can you blame the maker
when the produce has been tainted?
and the buyer's filled with dread

hail the art
where you can hide the sting
but it does, still...
doesn't it?...
i guess it did...
'cause saw the forwn....

a grin
a nasty grin
you see something?
hope you do...
it's suppose to be for you...

but one thing has to be said
you can't say
something is black
if you haven't seen black...
look ...
black...
oooh...

don't get me wrong... that's a freedom I make use of very often...
so don't take it too fuking seriously! it's a journal dude!!! c'mon!!!
you're suppose to say what the hell you fucking feel whenever you fucking feel it!!!
if it stings, why the fuck are you reading it?!!

crimson skies heal in the sunrise

crimson red blood
gash through
the solitary glow
of the quiet skies
you hear the screech
with the pain
you feel
as the day dies
it's almost certain
a dawn will come
to cleanse the blood
shed the previous day....

sunrise becomes

my first aid kit.....