Unseen

I have been unseen...

Clouded by her constant

thoughts of him...

My presense is weak

behind her glowing smiles

when he walks in...

At a constant distance

I watch her dance...

Afraid for her next leap

and ready to kneel and strech my hands

just in case he breaks

and sends her down to her fall...

Burned

Every time she looks away...

Burried

Every time her eyes glitter with tears...

Don't cry...

because everytime you do...

I die...

evening sun

Midnights are the hardest part of my days.

As the moon glides upward towards the infinite sky, I wandered in my world - hopelessly aiming, carelessly dreaming. It strikes me so hard. For a moment, I thought my head was hit by a spiked ball. Why does "this" always happen during those times when you desperately need some sleep?... By "this" I mean the ever pensive thoughts that the moon keeps as his companion. At some point you'd say: "I'd welcome you any other time, but not right now."

How ironic... My friend and I discussed this "event" just hours ago... The topic was brought about by two reasons: 1) his and 2) mine... Similar at some point, but very different... I'll tell you the story that made our eyes swollen and red... the story that made us helpless... the story that the moon made us see...

It all began when we had a drink. the pub was full as it always was. as usual the, the bar tender saved us seats at the far corner of the shack. as a habit, we would sit there and listen to tales of politics, bravery, finely crafted swords, women and romance...

"I wish for this curse to be lifted for I ache for my beloved Juliet's embrace." cried a man drunk beyond all reasons.

My companion and I seemed to be thinking the same thoughts for our eyes met both filled with the expressions of ridicule and pity. Our sword prevented us to speak out our authentic thoughts, but our hearts knew the man's desire to be with his beloved. Both our stories were once revolving in a very different world - a world most knew by the name love...

My companion and I knew of this world. But both have contrasting sceneries so to speak. For my friend, his beloved, far she may be but no distance shall keep his love from her. I, on the other hand, have given in to war. My bloodstained hands knows only to tear open another man's chest and deprive him of his heart. I knew little of how hearts work. I only knew that once it has been ripped out - there he lies and death comes to meet him.

I have felt my heart beat... yes, I have... But as it beats to a rythm I could not understand, it was crushed. And I felt no more.

As the campaign ends with victory, I know not what to live for. Until I met her. But now, my heart doubts. The man who stood by me in battle until we no longer had the strength to unsheathe our swords, has continuously pushed me to accept this doubt and plundge towards depths unknown.



I feared... But I lept no less... Hoping that in the face of death I learned how to live...

departure

Again the feeling strikes and I could not hold back. It's like drowning... You know you're dying but can't say a word because you're scared to die even sooner...

It was 30 minutes past the hour of 7 when I realized she was going soon. I could not, in all certainty, keep her here as much as I wanted to. The fear immediately sank in. Will I see her again? Will I have this forgone chance again? Will I be able to her smile again?... I heard the goodbyes in my head with finality, but I chose not to listen. I did not want this to end.

As thoughts raced through my mind, I could not stop myself from feeling the emotions I have learned to suppress. Every organ in my body was pulling awkwardly now. It’s as if my mind was telling me to do something out of my comfort zone and my body refuses with every fiber it has. We got to the terminal a little sooner than I had hoped.

I became conscious that this time was to be cherished more than any other. She was there and that was what mattered. She was saying goodbye again... She was saying goodbye and I could not stop her… Tick Tock the clock teased. I only wished that time would shut up and do something useful - like staying still.

Every time I glanced her way, I felt different; soothed but at the same time longing… I did not want to see her go. But then again, butterflies need to fly.

8pm was closer now and she was getting ready to leave. As they laughed and cheered for the “next time”, I just watched and wept. Praying I would still be there when the “next time” happens.

The engine started and the horns gave their warnings. I heard her say her goodbyes and she was on her way. I could not, however, restrain myself anymore. Before she boarded the bus, I gave her the most affectionate hug I could muster. One hug that I hope would tell her: “I missed you and even though I can’t stop you from going I do not stop thinking of you.”

As she began climbing those seemingly endless stairs, my eyes begun to feel watery. Drops began to fall uncontrollably…

Sorrow greeted me again. Sorrow has been my constant companion. I hated sorrow. That’s why I loved her presence. Every time she’s around sorrow goes away and my face gives way to a smile. Dumb as I am, I could not tell her this.

I weep. Longing for the day when fate gives me another chance – trying to muster the courage to say…

"I love you even when words fail me...."