sunday

entire nights
collapse into a splendid dawn.
faces passing through
closed lids...
memories rushing through
an empty head
never ending
never enriching
never of any use...
just blurred pictures
of faces I once knew...

mind works

it's strange when my mind works too much. (if it even works at all.) when all the things you've done in one day gives you the creepiest thought at night... when all things are past and you feel like thinking things through, shit often comes your way and pushes you to uncertainty and sometimes despair...
for example, we left for cavite this morning... I had every little thing planned - starting from the time I woke up to the time we went back home, but everything blows out of proportion and I am currently going out of my mind for God knows what!!! it is soooo damn disturbing I won't even think about it anymore...
I slept at about 1 am this morning and I had to wake up at 5:30 to prepare for the trip to cavite... so you can pretty much assume that I was too damn sleepy to think of anything else. even so, I had planned the night before that I would at the very least greet this girl good morning... But since I was still thinking about bed, I forgot... (too bad)... so I decided too let it go and greet her on the way... I was planning to that just that when there was a sudden change in plan... I was told that I was going to drive because we were going to bring two cars... you can bet I couldn't greet her... hell I couldn't even reach for my fucking phone!!!
anyway, so I decided... "what the fuck I'll text her later... no one's gonna get hurt if I don't text her right?".... so after about an hour and a half drive, i was fucking tired and sleepy... so I text her just for the sake of texting her and then I fell asleep...
you can bet she texts me back... 5 fucking times!!!! with matching missed calls!!!! I saw all this when I woke up... this was roughly about an hour pass lunchtime.... I text her back, but she did not reply... I let it go because I didn't want to jump to any conclusions... but after about 4 hours of relatively useless phone gazing... I was starting to be a little paranoid... I mean, with a head like mine... you cannot help but imagine alot of things... it's a curse... =) anyway, i call her a few times but I couldn't reach her... at this point, I was fucking worried... but who the hell cares... I didn't... sure as hell... nope... not a single care in the world...
"MADAFUCKING USELESS CELLPHONE!!!! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH SMART!!! WITH ALL THIS GODAMN UNLIMITED MY PHONE'S FUCKING USE IS BEING LIMITED!!!"
nope... not a care in the world... =)
my point...
don't think too much too often... it'll hurt your head... your ego... your self...
and your hands if you're as impulsive as me... lesson?... well, the lesson you'll get from this little story is up to you really.. but as for me, it's fucking simple... don't take things too seriously... life's meant to be LIVED! so fuck! why the hell would you want to live it with chip off your shoulders? just have fun... tale a little time to look at the scenery and focus a little less on where your going... because ultimately... your going to your grave anyway... so see the wonders God made for you... feel the things that Your god created for you to feel...
well... 'till next time...

shit happens

My virgin eyes have seen hell... with the desperate cries of the boys beside the street light, I stared with pity. the gloom of the night sky seemed all too appropriate. no stars present in the distant sky and all you can hear are the voices of the cars that streak pass. beep... beep... beep as they move faster than they should. not slowing down for anything or anyone... not even the boy who ran across the deadly concrete paths of the city...

I covered my eyes as it happened... wishing that the image would not be imprinted in the back of my head....

the terrified look his eyes possessed, the ironic happiness in his tear, the grounded boy that wanted to fly... splat!!! blood smeared on the window and a dull thud on the roof... "driver, driver! stop!"... we did, but only for a moment....

I looked back at the lifeless body innocently laying on the concrete floor. next was the sound of screeching tires and the movement away from this wonderfully tragic scene....

I turned around grabbed the drivers neck and held on 'till i felt his life slip away... I heard his plea, but I did not recognize the words.... after all I could not speak monster... "Die! you gutless son of a bitch! Die!"

then I woke up to the sound of a car horn held to its annoying note... the driver had successfully driven us out of the city alive... the problem was that I wanted him to die... with me if necessary......

I reached for my wallet to pay the bastard for his service, but somehow I wanted to reach for the knife I had safely tucked under my shirt... I did not however... I had no intention of becoming a murderer for someone I did not know... the thought saddened me... but what else was I to do? I took a crumpled cigarette out of my back pocket and smoked just outside the house I was staying in... I had wondered... did the boy deserve to die like that? Or was he lucky because he only stayed a short while in this shit hole we call life?....